Last week I was lucky enough to see Gary Barlow in Concert at Edinburgh Playhouse, thanks to my wonderful husband who bought them as a Christmas present for me. As I'm in my (very early!) thirties, the music of Take That has been in my life for many, many years and I was a fan from the early days - I danced to Could it be Magic on repeat and my bedroom walls were covered in Take That posters. Back then, I had the album Take that and Party on cassette, and now I have it on my iPod along with the greatest hits and all the albums from the years since the group re-formed. I also have all of Robbie's albums too!
I had an absolutely brilliant night out - Gary sang songs from throughout his career, including Take That songs, his own songs from his solo career, as well as songs he's written for others. The band were fantastic, and the crowd were on their feet, dancing the night away. I saw Take That in concert last year and by comparison this was a much smaller show in the more intimate venue of Edinburgh Playhouse. Even though we had balcony seats, we could still see perfectly and it felt great to be part of something so special.
For me, the song of the night was Rule the World. Some of you may remember that this was the song that Take That sang at the closing ceremony of the Olympics. What you won't know, is that this song is also the song I walked down the aisle to at my wedding, and it is very special to us. I, like millions of others, watched Take That's performance at the closing ceremony - and I had tears streaming down my cheeks. Not only was this the beautiful song that reminds me of my wedding day, it was also Gary's performance after losing his daughter, Poppy.
The Barlows' daughter, Poppy, was stillborn just a few weeks after our daughter Daisy died. My heart broke for Gary and his wife when I heard the news - being a celebrity doesn't protect you from the possibility of losing a child and to have to deal with your grief being such a public figure must have been very, very hard for Gary and his family. On the night of the closing ceremony I couldn't believe that Gary was able to sing that song - the words are so, so moving and I think of Daisy now too whenever I hear it. Now, I look back and I realise he was probably just doing all he could do - singing with Take That, making his family and his children proud.
Grief is a journey and it is individual and it is unique. For me, just putting one foot in front of the other, keeping going, was all I could do it those early weeks when the pain was sharp and searing and almost more than I could bear. I look back on Gary's performance at the Olympics and see that as his way of keeping going - as it's all you can do. I recognised that haunted, pained look in his eyes - I've seen it in my husband's eyes too.
Listening to Gary sing this song again at the Concert last week reminded me of the journey of grief we are both travelling along. Our daughters will always be in our hearts and will never be forgotten. But we are moving forward, taking each day a step at a time, doing what we can for our loved ones around us.
All the stars are coming out tonight, they're lighting up the sky tonight - for you.
Best Wishes
Debbie
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