As the school holidays in our part of the world will be drawing to a close very soon, I've been fitting in as many activities as possible for Lizzie before she returns to school. Keeping busy has been good for me, to be honest - getting out and about, seeing people, doing lots of "normal" things. Yesterday Lizzie and I went swimming at the leisure centre. Today we're going to the cinema. And tomorrow we're off to the museum. Just little things, little plans, small steps - but these are all, I hope, steps in the right direction, and helping us move forward as a family.
Forward planning is a big thing for me. Those of you who have been reading my blog for a while will know that I am a planner - I'm one of those people who is always armed with a list and a plan, a focus for the future, every eventuality covered. I plan for the day ahead; the current week; the upcoming month; and beyond. When Daisy died, I didn't have a plan for that. I hadn't ever considered that my baby might die after being brought safely into the world. Suddenly everything I had planned for had completely changed and my life as I'd seen it panning out was unsure and a blur ahead of me.
At first I felt like I would never plan anything again. "What's the point of making plans, only to have your life shattered and everything thrown in the air?"
But who I am, the planner in me, the need to organise and be in control, is still there. Perhaps I am more cautious now; there's more worry, anxiety, doubt. But the planning will still be done - that is who I am.
So I am tentatively making new forward plans in my mind. Most of these plans are only a few days or weeks into the future; no grand imaginings of our lives as they will pan out, no in-depth musings over the years to come. Just the coming days and weeks. But I feel that is a positive step, for me - for my own recovery into the new me as I will be from this point onwards.
Thanks for reading.
Best wishes
Debbie
No comments:
Post a Comment