Dear Daisy
Two months ago life was bathed in light. It was shiny and happy; full of anticipation for your impending arrival.
Right now we're in a dark place. There's no sunshine and the laughter isn't heartfelt. There's tears and sadness, sorrow and an emptiness that words cannot adequately describe.
But I'm starting to see a glimmer of light away in the distance and I have realised: it's the light at the end of the tunnel.
It's only a speck of light. It's not even a ray of light - just a shard of light peeking through. But it's there, I can see it.
These dark days are the tunnel. The sliver of light ahead in the distance is the brightness of days to come.
The light may not be as bright as it was two months ago; the luminosity might not be as it was. Things will never be as they were. But there is light there.
It is hope.
Hope for our future, hope that my heart will feel less heavy. Hope that I can think of you without the stabbing feeling in my chest and tears stinging my eyes.
Although the darkness is all around, when it starts to feel like too much to bear, when it feels thick and dense and palpable around me, I remind myself that this is a tunnel. We are cloaked by it now; but we are travelling through it. We will reach the brighter place trickling through at the end of the tunnel.
Sometimes it's faint; it's barely there. Sometimes I wonder if I am imagining it and if it's even there at all. Sometimes I have to look really, really hard to see it. It's so out of focus at times, I wonder whether I'm even going in the right direction.
But even when the darkness of the tunnel threatens to consume me and the light seems nothing more than a figment of my imagination, I tell myself that it is still there. I need to believe it is. I have hope; hope for me, hope for us as a family - hope that there is a brighter life ahead for us than our life right now.
I miss you every day, my beautiful girl.
Love from
Mummy
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