We reached an important milestone in my pregnancy this week as we went for our 20-week scan, the anomaly scan. I'll admit I was wound up like a spring before we went in - I'd barely been able to eat, and felt sick with apprehension. I was tense and worried that we were going to get bad news.
It wasn't until after the scan was over and we were back in the waiting area that I realised just how uptight I had been - when I burst into tears with relief that the scan had happened and everything was as it should be. I had no reason to expect otherwise - but then I'd had no reason to expect that something would ever happen to my last baby, and Daisy died the day after she was born.
I hadn't realised that throughout the scan appointment I'd been gripping my husband's hand so tightly that the imprint of my engagement ring was pressed into his fingers - marked red and white from a lack of proper circulation during those twenty minutes or so. He'd obviously understood my tension and didn't say a word - I don't think I gripped his hand that hard during labour!!
The tears let out the anxiety I'd held in all that morning, but they also came from knowing that we're expecting another little girl.
Another daughter.
Another niece, another grand-daughter.
Another little sister for Lizzie.
I cried with sorrow for the daughter we'd lost, the little girl who'll remain in our memories forever as a 6lb 10oz newborn we'll never see grow up. And I cried with joy for the little girl I'm growing inside me now, who deserves to have as much anticipation, excitement and preparation for her arrival as her older sister Daisy did.
So here's to the next 18 weeks of planning and expectation until we meet our new arrival - another little lady to welcome into our family.
Best wishes
Debbie
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