We're still waiting on a date for Daisy's funeral; this cannot be arranged until Daisy is returned to the funeral home following the post-mortem in Edinburgh. Until then, we have the prospect of the upcoming funeral hanging over us like a black cloud.
We wanted to choose an outfit for Daisy to wear in her coffin and our daughter helped us with this heartbreaking task. We hadn't wanted to know the sex of our baby until the birth, so the clothing we had bought was just in white. We hadn't bought a lot of clothing for the baby as we were waiting to find out if we'd need pink or blue, but I had bought enough vests and sleepsuits for my hospital bag - so it was from this bundle of white baby clothing that we made our selection.
Chosen for Daisy was little white vest with a bunny and a bear on the front; a pair of white scratch mittens; a white hat with the word "tiny" on it; and a white sleepsuit with a picture of a mummy zebra and a baby zebra, and the words "mummy and me". I carefully folded each of these precious little items and placed them in a bag along with a tiny size 1 newborn nappy.
As well as the clothes for Daisy we decided to enclose a letter and a photograph for her coffin. Our daughter wrote the letter and I took it to the stationery shop in the town to have it photocopied so we could keep a copy in Daisy's memory box. She also chose a photograph to include. She picked one of our wedding photographs of the four of us; me, my husband, my daughter and my stepson. We're all smiling and laughing and celebrating a happy day. My daughter said it would show Daisy how happy we are as a family.
At this moment in time I can't ever imagine being happy again.
Today we handed Daisy's clothes into the funeral home. As I handed over the bag to the funeral director I felt a physical wrench in my stomach as it hit me that I would never get the chance to dress my baby. My beautiful baby girl that I grew in my belly for nine months and brought into the world.
I broke down and cried in the car before we set back off for home.
Thank you all for reading and for all your kind and thoughtful comments; it is a great source of comfort to me.
Best Wishes
Debbie
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