Dear Daisy
The first thing I thought about when I woke up this morning was the moment you came into the world and I saw you for the first time.
You were born on 3 July. We missed the exact time you were born in all the flurry of activity when you arrived, but the consensus was 00.33 hours.
I was overjoyed to see you being held up by the midwife, Claire - she told us you were a girl and I felt so, so happy. Secretly Dad and I had hoped that you would be a girl. Your big sister Lizzie was desperate for a little sister and here you were. I was delighted that I had grown a little girl in my tummy for 9 months and given Lizzie the little sister she was so hopeful for.
I watched as the other midwife, Adele, dried you and wrapped you in a towel. I knew they were going to take you away to be checked over; when my waters were broken and the meconium was discovered, the midwives had let me know that you would need to be looked at by the baby doctors. So I wasn't worried. Adele whisked you out of the room and handed you over to the neonatal team to be taken to the Special Care Baby Unit. I wasn't overly concerned. I thought they would take you there for the once over and bring you back to me. I thought we would have all the time in the world for kisses and cuddles once you had been looked at and checked over.
Dad and I looked at each other and smiled and kissed each other. We were so happy. Dad said to me "you did great, baby". He was so proud of me for bringing you into the world. I was so proud of myself for pushing you out of me and bringing you here safely. I was relieved that I had coped with the pain of the labour and that you had arrived.
My beautiful baby girl. Our beautiful baby girl.
We'd had your name picked from very early on in my pregnancy. We both loved the name - Daisy. Such a happy, pretty name for a little girl.
After the mechanics of the final stage of labour and birth had been taken care of, I was lying in the bed in the delivery room and Dad and I were holding hands. We were discussing your middle name and what it should be. We'd originally chosen Catherine as a middle name; but now that seemed too formal for such a happy and carefree name as Daisy. So I suggested Kate instead. Daisy Kate. And so Daisy Kate it was.
A nurse from the Baby Unit had brought us a picture of you. You had a small tube in your nose and a monitor on each hand. Your eyes were open and your skin looked pink and soft. Your hair was dark; like mine. I couldn't wait to see you and hold you.
Dad got to go and see you in the Baby Unit. He was gone for what felt like forever; perhaps it was only 20 minutes in reality - I'm not too sure. I still had the effects of diamorphine in my system. When he came back he was smiling from ear to ear. He said you were beautiful. I knew you would be.
I felt well enough to have a shower and get my nightie on. You had decided to come into the world so quickly, I was still wearing my blue maternity top from earlier - I didn't have a chance to change! So I showered and got dressed and Claire said she would take me to see you in the Baby Unit. I remember feeling surprisingly well; despite the physical experience I had been through, I felt so happy. Euphoric! Maybe it was the combination of the painkilling drugs and the happiness of bringing you here. But I remember feeling so happy at that moment in time. You were here.
Seeing you in the Special Care Baby Unit didn't alarm me. I knew that babies who had been born with meconium in the waters sometimes needed help at the start. So although you were hooked up to a couple of monitors I wasn't overly concerned or worried. You were sleeping. What struck me was how much you looked like your sister when she was first born. Amazing! I was amazed. Here you were; a part of me; a part of Dad; a part of your sister; a part of your brother. The missing piece in our family jigsaw, linking us all together.
I was taken to the ward and I went to sleep. You weren't beside me but I knew that you were here and you were safe. Dad went home and he went to sleep. He knew we were both in the hospital and we were safe.
I'll never forget those few happy hours where everything was ok and happy and the future was bright.
Lots of Love
Mummy
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