Two weeks ago today you were born. I've already written about the moment you came into the world. I want to write about the day you were here; the 29 hours you spent with us. But I'm not ready yet. I want to tell your story; to make it real, tangible, for everyone who reads my blog and my letters to you. But I'm not ready to do it today. The pain of the memory is too fresh and too raw right now. We'll talk about it another time.
Yesterday I tried to bring a little bit of normal into our day.
For the first time in what seems like weeks, we had a dry day. It wasn't sunny or warm, but at least it was dry. So, Lizzie and I went to the park. A little bit of normal.
She took her scooter and whizzed along the pavement. When we got there, she ran around. She went on the swings. I pushed her on the roundabout. She climbed up the tower and flew down the slide - again and again. She made friends with the other girls there. A little bit of normal.
I sat on a bench and watched her play. My little girl, Lizzie. Your big sister.
She's growing up so fast.
We got home and Lizzie played outside in the garden. She blew bubbles and I got my camera out to take pictures. She posed and smiled and pulled crazy faces. A little bit of normal.
There wasn't a breath of wind. It was so still, the bubbles hung in the air for what seemed like an eternity. I thought at the time that the bubbles reminded me of myself as I am feeling right now. Moving - just. Moving, but in slow motion. Suspended in time, like time has been slowed down almost to a stop.
In the afternoon we did some baking. Baking is normal in our house. Lizzie licked the spoon, the bowl and the beaters. Another little bit of normal.
(Well, admittedly it was Dad who did the baking. I simply supervised. Not quite normal!)
We had homemade pizza for tea - another little bit of normal.
Maybe that's how things need to be from now on, Daisy. We start by introducing little bits of normal into our day, and then more bits of normal, until our days are the normal again. I'm not sure that normal will ever be the same as the normal it was before; life has been irrevocably changed as a result of what has happened. But maybe we can accept the new normal in our lives and find ways to enjoy these normal moments.
I hope so, Daisy.
Lots of Love
Mummy
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